"I say a document should never change its meaning unless it's your health insurance policy and you just got sick," he said. And with that, he turned to Justice Scalia to help him defend this policy:
I've always said, a good Supreme Court justice is a constitutional scholar first. A time traveling mind reader second. And, as an originalist, Scalia argues that the idea that the Equal Protection Clause of Fourteenth Amendment protects women's rights is a "modern invention," because he says, in 1868 when it was written, nobody thought it was directed against sex discrimination. Evidently, back then, women hadn't been invented yet.
Plus, the Fourteenth Amendment was created to protect the rights of newly freed slaves. That's why it strictly limits equal protection under the law to "All persons born or naturalized in the United States." So all Scalia is saying is that women aren't persons.
Now ladies, please, don't take it personally. Which you can't, since constitutionally you're not persons. Scalia wants you to have rights, that's why earlier this year, he joined the majority in the Citizens United ruling, which found that corporations are people with constitutional rights. So ladies, all you have to do is incorporate. You see if I refuse to hire Carol Morris as a camera operator because I don't want her menstrual cycle attracting bears to my studio, she has no legal recourse. But if I mess with Carroll Morris Inc., that corporate American can sue me for discrimination.
Likewise, gays don't have protection from sexual discrimination, Colbert reasoned, because "back in the 1860s there were no gay people."
Now, if you're offended by Scalia's argument perhaps you should defend your rights with force of arms, but remember, by this argument the Second Amendment gives you the right to bear only blunderbusses and flintlock pistols.
Watch the full video below.
|The Colbert Report||Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c|
|The Word - Original Spin|